Clean Yourself Thin(ish)

It’s about this time of year when we’ve invested in as many ‘self help’ books as our shelves will hold and our brains can handle (and we’re still not perfect), it’s fair to say our patience is ‘running’ thin but reading the scales it’s the only thing! We’re at least a couple (cough, cough) of pounds behind target and the thought of another rice cracker simply fills us with dread.

We simply can’t follow or afford this week’s super diet; eat for three days and fast for two, fast for four and eat for three, stand on your head while you spiralize your veg… And so on. Fear not good people, we aim to Astonish (sorry, we simply can’t help it).

We have some top tips to losing the pounds that are so simple it will blow the socks off your Davina McCall and their ‘get fit in a fortnight by rolling on your lounge floor’ DVD.

Ok, so it’s time for a disclaimer here, we will not make you look so good that you will attract the love of your life and you will not lose three dress sizes – but you may find an easier way to exercise in an increasingly busy life and end up with a clean house at the end of it.

Hold on to your hats ladies and gents, here we go…

So first things first, you will need: a pair of none slip socks or indoor shoes, something comfortable to wear, a fantastic CD or playlist that you simply can’t help but dance along to, Astonish Window Cleaner, Kitchen Cleaner, Antibacterial Cleaner, Floor Cleaner and Wood Polish (depending on floors). Available from all leading value outlets for just £5, less than half the price of a workout DVD, bargain!

  1. Right, we are going to throw the logical house clean out of the window. Going from bottom to top or vice versa is dull so we are going to mix it up. For those of you that have stairs we want you to pick a room upstairs and then a room down stairs and repeat. For those in a bungalow you need to pick rooms that are the furthest away from each other and clean them in a relay style. So simple, but yet you won’t believe how many more steps you take – and depending on how many rooms you have you could do 10 flights by the time you’ve finished.
  2. Don’t sit down just yet, it’s now on to tidying up the playroom – or your own room for that matter – we want you to do a timed trial. You have 10 minutes to get everything in the box starting… Now! Go, go, go! Oh wait – STOP! The only rule is that you have to put the box at one side of the room and only place one item in it each time. Ok, go, go, go…
  3. Ok, are you still with us? Come on now, keep up… It’s on to the windows. We want to see some real sparkle and that’s going to take some elbow grease so get your cloth in hand and wipe from top to bottom; right the way up and all the way down again. Then side to side, all the way across and back again. Then your going to do small circular motions across each panel.                                          We’re nearly there now ladies and gents, just two ‘exercises’ left
  4. This technique is one we think you’ll like. Washing down the work tops and wiping finger prints and splashes off cupboards. We don’t think there’s much cause for celebration when you do these tasks ‘normally’ and so we’re going to add some fun.We want you to do the kitchen table and then star jump three times, do the kitchen tops and lift your knees to your chest three times and then when you are doing the lower level cupboards do three squats between each door and the higher doors three wiggles – no reason for that last one other than the neighbours might be watching!
  5. And finally, on to the simple floor mop. Remember you should mop in a figure of eight to get the best results – however we are going to change this and suggest that instead you add a new step to this routine. Lunge four times, pushing the mop in front of you and then standing up straight, repeat across the room. Not only is it great for stretching but we bet it makes you smile too.

And then, final exercise – oh come on, there’s always just one more – go over to the kettle, flick the switch and have a sit down. You’ve done a great job and we bet you’ve had a good giggle too. Better still, just look around your house – you’re welcome peeps, you’re very welcome.